I hate Twilight!

Cromagnon Vampire Man

I will read anything if it has a vampire in it. I would read an economics textbook cover to cover if you told me a vampire was in there somewhere. That might be a mental problem I have, but I digress.

I can't read Twilight. My eyes glaze after two words. My soul shrivels after a sentence. And finally, I pass out approximately one paragraph later.

Part of it is the descriptive prose. Does every noun REALLY need four adjectives? Someone needs to break in on Stephanie Meyer and say the following:

"Put your hands in the air. Step AWAY FROM THE THESAURUS!"

Then, the brave intruder needs to confiscate it.

Let's do that scene Stephanie Meyer style shall we?

...Someone needs to break into the dwelling abode of the fantastic, stupendous authoress with pale skin that appears incandescent under the moonlight and shout loudly in a powerful voice: "Take your lovely, well-shaped hands off the ancient musty book with the greenish leather cover and place them overhead as though you were reaching for the sky. Now, in this moment if you would be so kind, you must stand and move swiftly away from that book, referred to often as the thesaurus.

Zzzzzzzz.

How bout you my malcontents? What do you think? How about the movie? Who thinks Robert Pattinson would do better acting in the film if he took a few laxatives? How about Pattinson in lipstick? Girly or what? And what's up with making him look like a dead neanderthal with a mini-pompador in the promo photo?